


Woman of Clay

by MundaneChampagne



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Judaism, Mass Effect 1, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3356687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MundaneChampagne/pseuds/MundaneChampagne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What use is a tool that acts against its master's wishes?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woman of Clay

**Author's Note:**

> My first foray into ME fandom. I am shamelessly late to the party, only having played the first game this winter.

There was never much time for stories when she was growing up. Her parents tried, but they were always busy with work.

To fill these gaps, she read herself stories instead.

She had some old picture books from her father, and through them, she learned about his faith. Daniel Shepard, though he rarely celebrated or prayed, drew a certain measure of reassurance from his Jewish faith. With the books, she learned the same.

She read about Moses leading the people to freedom. She learned about Abraham who was tested in his faith and stopped from sacrificing his son by G-d. She was awestruck by the miracle of the oil, and the bravery of Judah Maccabee.

But the story that stuck with her most was the story of Rabbi Loew's golem. She knew it by heart.

It went like this: The Jews in a city called Prague were being attacked. To protect his people, Rabbi Loew created a clay man. In its mouth he placed a name of G-d, which brought it to life. The golem defended the Jewish Quarter, and saved the people who lived there.

But the golem could no longer be controlled. It went on a rampage, and Rabbi Loew removed the name. The golem went still, and crumbled back into the dust from which it came. The Rabbi stored the dust in a temple attic. It was still there, the book said.

It reminded her of her parents. She never told them this. But the idea stuck with her. The people she grew up with reminded her of the golem; military men and women, shaped by their training to defend humanity. Driven by their purpose.

She knew that she would do the same. When she was 18, she shaved her head and became the perfect clay woman the Alliance wanted.

And she swore that she would never turn to dust.

 

She doesn't remember the last time she did something for herself. She doesn't remember the last time she was called by her first name. She throws herself into her duties, lives by the regulations. She proceeds up the ranks, the Alliance impressed with her efficiency. She does not hesitate to make sacrifices to get the job done. She does not have nightmares or regrets after the Torfan mission.

Commander Shepard is just a designation. She is a tool, wielded by the Alliance for the betterment of humanity and the galactic community.

And there is Eden Prime.

She thinks she knows what to do. She does not serve the Council. She serves the Alliance, and proceeds to collect evidence against Saren Arterius on their orders. She does her job.

And then she learns that she is to serve the Council, and find her own way.

She relies on the things she knows.

She knows leadership. She asks after her crew. She lays all their worries on herself, and doesn't give them any of hers in return. She knows them inside and out, knows their strengths and weakness. Knows how to best use them in the field. And although she respects them and takes care of them, there is no mourning for her if someone dies.

She knew that when she went to secure that bomb that there was no going back.

She knows procedure. It is hard to impress this upon some of her crew, but she does her best. She emphasizes discipline and professionalism. Emotions do not get in the way. She does not let them get in the way. Not for her. Not for her crew.

And she knows what they are fighting for is something greater than any of them. They are fighting not only for lives, but for the right to have normal lives. She doesn't know what it's like to have a normal life.

It seems so simple at the time. She goes to Anderson without a thought and goes to Ilos. She never questions her decision. She knows that her crew will stand behind her, and she knows what is at stake.

But after—after is when the doubt seeps in. The Reaper is gone. Her crew goes their separate ways, all of them heroes. She is lauded, but also silenced by the Council and relieved of duty while they figure out what to do with her.

She is the golem, the perfect clay woman that acted only for others. But she has stepped over the lines that she holds most dear, and she knows she cannot go back. She cannot start over. Now she fears that her usefulness has ended. What use is a tool that acts against its master's wishes?

She fears that they will remove the name of G-d from her mouth, and that she will crumble back into the dust from which she came.


End file.
